i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
