Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
