We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
