I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
