I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
