Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
