I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
