Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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