Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
