this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
