whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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