That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We talked him into tasing himself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
