with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Your dad touched me again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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