i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
