We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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