Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
