if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
