Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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