Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
