i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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