Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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