Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
