shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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