Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
