loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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