Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
