Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
