i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
