I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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