Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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