Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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