You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
