420 ftw
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
