I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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