that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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