Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
