Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
