It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
