Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
