Screwed.edu
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm really busy with my period
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