Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
