Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
