I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
