i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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