"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
