She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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