my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
