Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
