I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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