kristin has been a bad kristin
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
