Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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