I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
