guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
