You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Alive.
So much puke
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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