last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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