Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
