Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
