and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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