..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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