everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize