Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
